Having grace for others can be extremely difficult. Especially when you know they should definitely know better. But let’s be honest. How many times have you needed a little extra grace, even when you probably knew better too?
Whether you are dealing with tiny humans, aging parents, difficult friends, students in your classroom, your spouse, siblings, you name it; demonstrating patience and kindness as they lack filter, throw temper tantrums, or exude unwanted behaviors can be trying.
Here are 5 suggestions of things I have tried and have worked. Maybe you can try one of these the next time you are faced with a difficult person. But I must say, I can’t do any of them without leaning into God for the strength to do so.
3 Ways to Demonstrate Grace, Even When it’s Difficult
- Soften your facial expressions. I have to tell myself this statement more often than I should. Whenever I am annoyed with someone, my face doesn’t lie. My eyebrows get all contorted, my nostrils flare, and I do this slow blink thing with my eyes that really could be interpreted as eye rolling. It is certainly unappealing but even more so, it quickly causes the other person to feel small and insignificant. If you want to love like Jesus did, you should try to be sympathetic toward them.
1 Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, all of you, be like minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”
One of the ways I have been able successfully soften my face is when I start to picture the person I am struggling with as a small child. Truly. When I am dealing with an adult that is behaving erratically or in a way that is frustrating to me, I think about what it is that they must have experienced as a child to cause such a response. When I begin to think of them as a child, my mind begins to feel sad for them. When I start to feel sad for them, my face softens. When we begin to think about the other person and what their life experience has been like, especially if you know that they have had pain dealt their way, it can shift your mindset and as a result, soften your facial expression.
This even works with tiny humans… When you start to think about their little minds and all the things they still don’t know and all the things they still are trying to navigate, and how incredibly difficult it all is, (you know from your own experience), your face will begin to soften with them too.
2. Listen. Listening is such an incredible gift of grace. Think about it. When was the last time someone just listened to you, without interrupting for more than five seconds. For most of us this is rare. If we can be intentional in just listening to what the other person has to say, (even if we don’t like their perspective), we can begin showing them what it looks like to be loved like Jesus loves.
“To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
Let’s be clear on this listening thing though, especially when you are super annoyed by the person you are trying to listen to. Listening doesn’t mean to just keep your mouth closed while putting together your argument in your head. Listening means to actually hear and process what the person is trying to say. If you are just trying to figure out what your comeback/rebuttable is going to be, then you aren’t actually listening.
One thing I do when I am trying to listen better is I repeat back to the person what it is I think they are trying to communicate. This forces me to listen. It keeps my brain engaged on their words and not on my response.
3. Sit down. When I am trying to show grace to someone, especially when I am angry or annoyed by them, one thing that has helped me is to put myself into a chair or just sit down some place. This does two things; first, it sends the signal to the person that I am not trying to be dominant or in charge. It signals a willingness to slow down. Something I wish people would do for me, especially when I am starting to be the one who is losing control. The second thing sitting down does is shifts my own mindset from being in control to just being present.
Just before Jesus began to minister to the Samaritan woman, He postured Himself in a sitting position at the well of Jacob. He was tired from traveling, but because He was sitting, He was less threatening to the woman. He went on to show her love and grace as He extended His forgiveness to her. (See John 4 for the exact text.)
Here’s the thing, when we are intentional in imitating Jesus, for example, sitting down while we have a deep discussion with someone, then our minds are able to be more open to love, grace, and forgiveness.
Building Community:
In the comments below, please share your thoughts on the following question
- Do you have any other ideas that you could share with our community in how you have been able to demonstrate grace for someone else, even when it was difficult to do so?
If you loved this post or know someone who would, please share it on your social media. Let’s share God’s love with others by supporting each other in the struggle.
Have a prayer request, comment below or send me an email: katie@katiefrankey.com