Negative Self-Talk

Learning to Talk to Yourself the Way Jesus Would

When you make a mistake, do you pound your hand on your forehead and tell yourself how stupid you are? Do you roll your eyes at yourself because you weren’t good enough at something? Do you ever get angry, frustrated, irritated with yourself?

I do. All the time. I say terrible things to myself when I don’t meet the mark.

“I’m such a bad mom!”
“I’m such an idiot!”
“I dropped the ball, I should have done better!”
“Why can’t I just get it right?!”
“What was I thinking? Or was I even thinking at all?!”
“Why am I so thoughtless?”
“I should have known that!”
“I’m so stupid!”

Would I say that to someone else though?

If someone else around me makes a mistake, I would never dream of saying anything like that to them. I would never say those words to my children, my husband, my family, or my friends. I wouldn’t even say those words to strangers.

So why would I ever think it’s okay to say it to myself?

A Few Weeks Ago…

I made my daughter a ham sandwich to take to school in her lunchbox. She said she wanted mayonnaise on it, so I added it. I forgot to add a snack to her backpack though for snack time.

When she got home from school that day, she was starving. I asked her if she ate her lunch and she crossed her arms, furrowed her eyebrows, and told me that I put too much mayonnaise on the sandwich and that I had also forgotten to pack her snack. She was upset with me because in her five year old opinion, I created the problem.

I didn’t know I had used too much mayonnaise, and obviously I didn’t forget her snack on purpose. But I felt terrible about it. Instead of just apologizing and talking to her about how we all make mistakes, I said, “I’m so sorry, honey. I can’t believe I did that! I should have known better! I’m such a bad mom!”

To be fair, I don’t actually think that I am a terrible mom. But I certainly don’t always say kind words about myself as a mom and I give myself a way harder time than I should.

My response to her modeled one thing though: I should be better. She quickly responded by telling me I am not a bad mom. But that isn’t her job to remind me and affirm me in that way. She is the child, I should be modeling for her what an appropriate response looks like.

I should not model negative self-talk for my children. In doing so, I am inadvertently telling my children that their significance in this world rests on how well you do at all your given tasks.

The world has a unique way of kicking us while we are down, and one of the greatest tools used against us is our own feelings of significance.

Jesus Sees Us Differently

Not only does Jesus love us, He likes us. We are already significant to Him. He loves us so deeply. He doesn’t need us to get it right all the time. In fact, He doesn’t need us to check all the boxes and perform well on any of the tasks we are given. His love is free. It doesn’t come with a bunch of boxes-to-check price tag.

I must admit, I get this wrong all the time. But I am finally coming to understand the depth of this truth. Not because my five year old reminded me, but because I have started really digging into my identity in Christ and who He says I am. As I am learning to love others the way He loves, it has begun to dawn on me that I need to have grace for myself and speak truths to myself just as much as I need to do it for others.

Jesus would never have said anything negative about Himself, nor about His disciples as they were learning to walk in His footsteps. Just like He would never say to me that I should have done better!

He loves us all so deeply. He cheers us on when we get it right, and He cheers us on when we get it wrong. His love doesn’t waiver or change. He likes us just as we are right now, and He will like us when we have matured in areas down the road. He will always like us. We will always be significant to him.

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

The word condemnation literally means 1) the expression of strong disapproval and 2) sentencing someone to a severe punishment.

Both definitions are things that I don’t need to claim for myself since I am in Christ. I don’t need to strongly disapprove of myself (He doesn’t disapprove of me), and I don’t need to punish myself by ridiculing and claiming an identity of “stupid” or “insignificant.” God doesn’t condemn me, so neither should I condemn myself.

How Do I Change My Language?

I think the first thing I need to start doing is asking myself if I would say the demeaning words to someone else. If the answer is no, then very simply, it shouldn’t be said to myself either.

The second thing I should do is write on post-it-notes Scriptures that identify truths about my significance to God. Then I should post them around my house in areas where I tend to find myself talking negatively about my significance and abilities.

Then lastly, I should spend time with God and those Scriptures and say them over myself as much as possible and ask God to help me see myself as He does. If I can begin to believe these words are truly from Him to me then I will be able to walk more confidently in who I am and my true significance.

DO THIS WITH ME: Post-It-Notes

Below are five truths and Scriptures for reference for you to jot down on some post-it-notes, should you want to try this out alongside me. I hope you have found encouragement here, but even more so, perhaps like me, you will begin to find freedom from the negative talk you may be tormenting yourself with.

Truth: I have the mind of Christ.
Scripture: We have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)

Truth: I am dearly loved.
Scripture: As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

Truth: I am more than a conqueror. 
Scripture: No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

Truth: I cannot be separated from the love of God.
Scripture: Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 38-39)

Truth: I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
Scripture: You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit. (John 15:16)

Thank you all for taking the time to read this post. Thank you for your patience as I navigate a new school year and new schedule and balancing writing, family, fitness, and life in general. Please keep sharing my posts and commenting on them. You all bring me such joy and it is an honor when I can share my heart with you and you share yours with me. Until next time, keep being the light of the world!