John 15:1-4 says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
Pruning hurts. Over the course of this past year I have felt God trying to help me grow into a better version of myself as a mom. My struggle isn’t that I am a terrible mom, I just get really frustrated with my children really easily.
For example, at this very moment, my two year old is pulling the blinds and pounding on the window of her room, my four year old is tearing apart her nicely made bed, and my five year old is coloring with a marker all over her arm. None of these behaviors are exponentially terrible behaviors, but the behaviors drive me crazy. Like, why are you pounding on the window? You are going to break the window and/or the blinds. And, why on Earth do you feel the need to pull all the blankets and pillows off of your bed after I just spent time making it? And, come on! I’m not interested in scrubbing the marker off of your arm for the third time today.
But in this pruning I have learned one thing very clearly; His power can only be made perfect in my weakness. Just like God doesn’t stop me from getting frustrated, I am learning to not stop them from all of their behaviors.
Instead, I have started to understand that their learning is much more impactful than if I just yell at them to stop the behavior.
This is pruning. God doesn’t yell at me to stop me from getting frustrated with them. He has graciously let me learn the consequences of how terribly awry things go when I allow myself to travel down the path of frustration and yelling at my kids. It never goes well. In fact, every time I resort to yelling and getting frustrated, my very impressionable children begin doing the same thing, and before you know it, we are all laying on the floor crying because we have gone to battle with our words at one another.
Each time I find myself at the beginning of getting frustrated, I feel God’s nudge at my heart. It has become kind of like a pulling or tugging on my chest, and then a thought is brought to my mind reminding me to take captive my every thought.
But to be honest it’s so hard sometimes. I guess it’s why it is called pruning. I have to die to myself and allow God to take control of the situation. That is how I remain in Him, and He in me. Instead of giving in and just yelling at my kids for pounding on the window, I have a choice. I can redirect or just ignore it. But if I start yelling, then I have lost control.
God doesn’t get angry with me when I lose it though. Of course He wants me to remain in Him and He in me, which is why He will give me another chance in less than twenty minutes to try again with my kids. He has an endless supply of grace and patience for me as I learn the art of not yelling and getting frustrated.
The beauty in the pruning though is the learning.
I am so much better, even today, at allowing the behaviors to not send me over the edge. Don’t get me wrong, the behaviors still drive me crazy, but my response to them has changed significantly. When I surrender my actions to God, and kindly redirect my children or talk to them about their decisions, God’s power is made perfect. The inside of me wants to go bezirk, but when I allow God to guide my response instead, the outcome is always way better.
Take this very moment for example. Instead of yelling at them, (I mean, how could I? I was writing to you about not yelling) I ignored the window pounding, and it stopped because she wasn’t getting the attention she was seeking, (no broken blinds either.) I decided I wouldn’t say anything to the four year old who messed up the bed, but tonight, when she wants all of her blankets and pillows back on her bed, she will have to do so herself, which will be its own exercise in self control for her. And the five year old who drew all over her arm with a marker, came out of her room and on her own, got a washcloth from the closet, and went to the bathroom and washed herself off, without my prompting.
I didn’t have to yell. But a few months ago, I would have yelled. It would have gotten me nowhere. This time, through the pruning, dying to myself and remaining in God, I was able to spare my children from unnecessary yelling, and they learned or will learn valuable lessons on self control as well.
Don’t get me wrong. I am far from pruned. But each and every single day I try really hard to die to myself to allow the Holy Spirit to take over so I don’t overreact on my kids. I still get frustrated, and I still have to be stern with them from time to time to keep them safe. But I don’t want to wither away and not bear the fruit that God has called me to bear. I want to be used by Him. I want to glorify Him. I want His power to be made perfect in my weakness, and because of this, I will continue to allow myself to be pruned and continue to die to myself each and everyday so that I can bear much fruit for Him.
Building Community:
In the comments below, feel free to answer any of the following questions.
Or if you prefer to reach out to me personally so I can pray for you personally, I would be honored. katie@katiefrankey.com.
- What is one area in your life you feel like you struggle with giving over to God?
- How has His power been made perfect in your own weakness?
- What is something you would like to have more strength in doing?